Greetings, oh curious wanderer of wisdom and waffles,
We, The Keepers of the Slightly Less-Mystic Flickering Hilltop, cordially invite you to stumble along on a journey that may or may not change your life, as you follow in the somewhat questionable footsteps of the illustrious shepherd, Gorf, who once tripped over a root and discovered the so-called "ancient tree" that supposedly guards the world’s second-highest peak (because first was just too mainstream).
Our not-so-sacred order, hastily assembled on a Friday by the enigmatic Gorf and now loosely organized under the "leadership" of the one-and-only Matthew R. Ray, claims to have figured out the secrets of magic mushrooms (although, let’s be honest, they mostly just glow in the dark). These revelations have allegedly ushered in a new era of slightly confused unity and harmony with the natural world, or at least with some rather chatty squirrels.
Matthew R. Ray, who we sometimes refer to as the “Great and Glorious Gorf 2.0,” shines as a charismatic lighthouse of ancient-sounding wisdom (even if he mostly quotes fortune cookies). With a heart as big as his collection of oddly specific mugs, he has devoted his life to spreading the gospel of the ancient tree, whose leaves may or may not whisper secrets when the wind is just right. Thanks to his dubious guidance, countless souls have found something that might resemble solace, and their lives have been… well, different, thanks to The Keepers of the Slightly Less-Mystic Flickering Hilltop.
Now, oh brave soul, we extend our hand (figuratively, of course) and invite you to climb this metaphorical hill of knowledge. By generously parting with just $1000** (or the equivalent in glow-in-the-dark mushrooms), you can support our valiant effort to continue mumbling about the teachings of this “ancient tree,” while also potentially unlocking the mysteries of the universe, or at least finding out what happened to that one sock that always goes missing in the laundry.
So, don’t wait—your destiny (and possibly a limited edition glowing mushroom) awaits. Join The Keepers of the Slightly Less-Mystic Flickering Hilltop today, and together, under the maybe-benevolent guidance of Matthew R. Ray, we shall hike towards something vaguely resembling enlightenment and wisdom.
In the flickering glow of the possibly-ancient tree, we eagerly await your response.
Yours in mildly radiant light,
The Keepers of the Slightly Less-Mystic Flickering Hilltop
The Keepers of the Slightly Less-Mystic Flickering Hilltop
*Disclaimer: Actual enlightenment may vary. Glowing mushrooms are not FDA approved.
**We immediately put donations to work helping make the world a better place, therefore all donations are final and we cannot offer refunds.
**We immediately put donations to work helping make the world a better place, therefore all donations are final and we cannot offer refunds.
Our Charismatic Leader, Matthew Ray, aka Glorious GORF 2.0